breakups hurt so bad.

all I keep thinking about is carrie bradshaw and mr. big. the only difference is we never had a wedding but we do have Abigail, our daughter.

This hurts so bad. I feel like not talking to anyone, crying until I fall asleep and sleeping until i wake up and realize its all a dream. I never wanted this. I need to demand it though; respect. I think i deserve to be treated fairly and to be provided for from the man of the house. He not only is her father but my boyfriend. I think he forgets that from time to time. That's why we are in the position we are in.

I can't do it all. I'm done being it all. I always cry like the heaving cry where i don't know if i will catch my breath and sometimes hope that i don't. Noone brings a child in to this world with the thought of it being raised in a broken home. I never had that so I don't even know where to start or how to act. I don't have and guidelines to follow in order to make sure Abi grows up a respectable human being. I just don't know anymore. I'm more lost than ever before. I doze off more than before to picture what the future holds, praying that there is a better life than I had before; a closure to know that this worth it-all the pain and tears. I know don't anything that is worth the humilty and sacrafice that i've given. That is why I have to look up and pray harder than before.
Dear God, please please please take this pain away from me. I know you hold my future in your hands but please help me during these trying times. I want to believe that you do everything for a reason, so give me the strength to get through this separation. Dear God please, please help me. Carry me through this in order to provide for the most important person in my life, Abi. God, carry me with your arms over the seas. Please God, help me.

Everyone tells me to be strong. What even is strong? Is strong not crying when you can't hold it in anymore? Is strong suddenly not caring for the one person your heart will always beat for? Is strong being able to go on with your life with no regrets of how things ended? Then if it is, I can say, I am not strong. I'm not strong enough to handle this.

I will keep moving with the guidence that everyday routines give. I will try to look forward with an open mind of a new beginning . In the mean time, I will cry and hope that brings a "stronger" me.

ry