Having a really hard night. I'm questioning the cliche "everything happens for a reason." For once I don't think everything happens for a reason. I don't think everything should work itself out on it's own.
I thought we were having a semi good weekend. We were talking civil at least and sharing jokes. That's more then most ended relationships could say after the first week of the break up. I so wanted him back. I didn't want to wait. I wanted to work this out-together. I wanted him to realize it with me next to him. We had a game plan, that we would re-evaluate "us" in a month and see where it took us.
He decided today that he didn't want me back.
I wish I could erase it from my memory. I told him [before this] that I will take this time to also think about me and what I do wrong. I told him I know I nag sometimes and would try really hard not to if he would do things the first time I asked. ( I have to always tell him because he seems to always forget when he remembers I asked him to do it in the first place which is why he gets mad) I know I hold grudges possibly more than anyone I know. I really need to stop that. And I'm trying so hard not to. I'm doing my part... but he doesn't want to do his... anymore.
I'm so hurt. How can I keep hurting? I thought crying for two days would finish it off. I thought I would be able to get through this "stronger."
It hurts to see Abi so happy around him. I know inside that it's good for him to be around us, because of her. We haven't fought when were together. Just when were apart.
Don't know what else to do. Once again, taking it day by day, hour by hour.
.......
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