The First Encounter

I saw him tonight. He was so nice to me almost made me wonder if he was in the twilight zone for not acting shady or upset.

I was at Target and saw him in the-I don't even remember where I saw but it doesn't matter. I walked up to him and he thought I was a customer. It was so cute how he looked up to me I had to give off a little smile. We chatted for a little until he had to help customers who were looking for some kind of Skull Candy Shirt. I obviously am missing out on the latest rocker gear. As I walked away, it was good feeling that feeling again. The feeling that poses a smile on your face no matter if a mom runs into you with her four kids taking up the entire walk way. I don't even know if he watched me walk away that long stretch towards the front but I like to pretend that he did. It will keep me going tonight and hopefully allow me to sleep.


My mom and I had a pretty hurtful talk tonight. Well it was hurtful for me anyways. Just something I didn't want to hear. I still have hope. I think she does too but just doesn't want to admit it now that I've moved back home. She doesn't understand that my heart is still his and probably always will until I decide it's not. I never don't want it to be. She did give some clues that secretly she does want it to work and does love him but again, I'm sure it's hard to see your eldest daughter in pain from the boy she loves break her heart. I can't imagine Abi having to go through this. I would want to take any pain she has and put it inside me. I can guess that's how my mom feels.

I still have some stuff left in the apartment. I keep saying I will go get it tomorrow or the next day. I really have no plans to get it. I want to have things there so my presence in the apartment will always be with him. It's my way of having him with me. I don't want to admit I'm gone or that I never have a reason to go back. Abigail gives me every excuse to go back but I want an excuse as a girlfriend. Maybe he doesn't understand that. I went there today to get my favorite pair of jeans (ya that's how much I love him, I left my ultimate pair there with him in complete trust he won't go berserk and throw them out). I noticed he organized and gathered ALL of my things so it would be easier to take. It hurt, it hurt A LOT, but you know what...you better believe I left everything still there and even made it a bit messy....